DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
