with your own penis?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize