he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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