Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
