The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
