Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the day after is always just damage control
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
