I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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