Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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