Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
