I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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