he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
