My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
