How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
