You just made me feel so damn special
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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