the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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