last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
