I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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