Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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