We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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