This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
