i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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