i was born a porn star she said
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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