i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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