twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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