but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There are leaves in my underwear?
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