I wish my penis had an off switch
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
