Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
