what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
