We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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