I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
