no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Porn is love you can see.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize