You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
