Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
