Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
