Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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