tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
