if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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