I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
