I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
