Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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