we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
