Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
