We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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