well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize