If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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