Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
