I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
