you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
