yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
