well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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