Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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