I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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