Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
