Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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