i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize