You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
