The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
