Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize