I love black thongs
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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