My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
