omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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