This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
