My liver just broke up with me...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
