There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
