if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
