What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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