Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
