we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
