Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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