There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
