why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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