Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
