Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
