Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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